Lawrence

I think it's about time I shared with the world my side of things regarding my relationship with Chris Lawrence. Before I begin: no, I am not gay.
I'll try and keep this as unbiased as I can, believe what you want.
So at the end of year eleven I make the choice to switch schools to Bullers Wood School for my A-levels (possibly the best decision I have ever made, regardless of this blog), and end up being one of a handful of males in year twelve. Another boy who decided to make a similar move was Chris Lawrence, but back at the beginning of year twelve, I had no idea who he was beyond 'a friend of Gary Wood'. Not the most flattering first impression.
About halfway through the year, Matt got to know Lawrence and seemed to like him. Eventually, through group-conversations, I too got to know him moderately well. By the end of the year, we were on relatively good terms. It was at this point when his girlfriend, Molly (derogatorily referred to as 'Goulds' by Lawrence, back then), decided to break up with him. He was crushed. Heartbroken you might say. He phoned me up a lot because he felt that I was the person who would most understand how he felt, and be lest judgemental about another male having and sharing feelings. From then on, I spent a lot of time with him, trying to cheer him up, even though I was with Alissa. I explained to her that for the sake of Lawrence, it was more important for me to spend my time with him. There were times when the three of us hung out, but I felt a bit like I was rubbing in the fact that I still had a girlfriend, so we didn‘t do it very often.
We formed a band. "Lawsuits Among Believers". We wrote some alright songs, none of which ever got finished. We were best friends. He would call me almost every night for hour long talks, unless I phoned him first. We probably saw each other four or five days a week; I'd either be at his, or I'd go and pick him up (having just passed my driving test).
Then when we went back to start year thirteen, Monday afternoons became our band practice day. Every week, we didn't have to say a word. We silently knew that we'd spend a few hours on Monday afternoons playing, writing and sometimes just listening to music.
Then he got back together with Molly.
I said to him the following Monday something like "still on for this afternoon?" thinking 'as if I have to ask…', to which he replied "Oh, er... I'm hanging out with Molly... Sorry," which he had apparently planned two days prior. I was upset that he'd cancelled, and even more upset that he hadn't told me until I asked, on the day. But I thought, 'ah, it's just one day, he's been missing this girl for months, I shouldn't be selfish', although that didn't make me feel much better; I'd sacrificed weeks of being with Alissa for him.
He stopped calling me. He didn't invite me to hang out with him, and when I asked him he always told me he was busy with Molly. We didn't have another band practice, our songs remained unfinished.
I was unbelievably upset. I felt like I had been used by someone who needed a shoulder to cry on. Our friendship had been anything but sexual, but I'd gotten so close to him over the eight weeks that I felt utterly heartbroken. He did call me, once more, but I think Alissa had told Molly how upset I was, who had, in turn, told Lawrence to ring me. I said to him how I felt like he just didn't care about me, to which he answered "you know that isn't true"... But I don't.
That's about it. He broke my heart. You can go ahead and call me 'gay', 'faggot', 'pussy', 'emo', whatever. When I saw him at school, it would just be an awkward "hi," if he acknowledged me at all. So I stared outright ignoring him, and I think he got angry. Either that or he just turned into a dickhead, because he started being really rather rude to Alissa for no apparent reason, making snide comments and so on. She got quite upset. Anyway, that isn't really the point.
Now Matt has joined Lawrence’s new band, which has re-opened the old wound which I'd hoped would remain scarred over, now that I don't have to see him at school anymore. I'm not jealous, and there isn't anything I can do, not even talk to Matt about how I feel (though I'm sure he's reading this; hi!). I don't want him to quit their band... That's a lie, I would really like that. But I can't ask Matt to do that. I wouldn't want to. It just brings back old memories. I'm rambling now. This was brought up because They are going to practice tomorrow. Brought me down a bit, I was on a Delve high earlier.

So now you know.