My very last exam is tomorrow; Synoptic Physics. I can't revise, per se, I can only do past papers over and over. Every time I try one, I get stuck, and then get distressed, and then give up. I'm so scared. I'd managed to talk myself into feeling as though University were unimportant. I told myself that I'd be OK. So I calmed down a little. Now Tom Parsons has just reminded me how much of a fuckup I am, because going to University is actually the very most important thing in the world. "But maybe it isn't for you..." definately made me feel better. My heart feels like it is having a wrestling match with my stomach and my intestine is trying to escape the fray through my mouth. Professor Terror is now online, but it's shit because I've hardly spent any time on it. Still one or two dead links. All this sorrow is making me more "emo" again, but not in the disgusting myspace way, in the no-social-life-depressed-geeky-loser way. You know, the good way. More like Death Cab For Cutie than BRINGMETHEHORIZON or some shit. Oh God, if I don't get into University, I won't be a geeky Physicist... I'll just be a loser with no life who has a vague interest but little understanding of Physics. That's the single most depressing thought I've had all month.
I'm not really sure what to do now. I just keep staring at my computer screen with nothing imparticular on it.
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7 comments:
just checked out your website, looks pretty cool.
but me being the nitpicky somewhat spiritual person i am, i've gotta point out the inaccuracy in that drawing of you being sacrificed to ganesh. metaphorically it works - being sacrificed to the master of wisdom and intellect. but i doubt that'd be anything to do with homosexuality. would make more sense if the sacrifice were to kali (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Kaligoddess.jpg) as she often represents death or shiva (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:MahadevShiva.jpg) known as the destroyer of evil, if, that is, homosexuality is considered evil.
rant over. good picture though.
i'll always see you as this:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v665/crimson_lies/Art/Original/Sketches/jacktransvestitesketch.jpg
jeez louise- u gota get things into perspective and remember that ur not alone in trying to get grades to get into uni- now its my turn to moan- i have had to slave away for 2 years doing work- experience shoveling shit in farms, veterinary practices, dog homes cat homes, horse camps- I have had to do so much extra reading and keep on top of all the latest events in the news both medical and to do with animals just to stand a remote chance of getting into vet school -even after I was told from stupid teachers that they wouldn't even look at me- but wotever I still applied and got an interview from London and got bloody rejected- how's that fair?? Luckily Nottingham also gave me an interview and saw sense!- so great I have done the hard bit and have been offered a place for AAB- but things don’t come easy to me- I have to work hard- so if it makes u feel any better the pressure is on me too!- maiyanne (i cant remember my bloody password god damn it!!)
As a matter of fact, the picture of Jack being sacrificed to Ganesh for being gay is an entirely accurate depiction of how Ganesh feels toward homosexuality. I'll have you know that I often meet with Ganesh for Sunday lunch, where we discuss current affairs, and other relevant issues. On more than one occasion Ganesh has stressed to me his disgust toward gay people, as he considers anal penetration and other such homosexual activities, such as 'docking,' to be an insult to the nature of evolution. By the way, incase you didn't know, 'docking' involves the sliding of one gay's knob in between the foreskin and helm of another gay's knob. Nauseating, I know. Since this is all true (as Ganesh is a close friend of mine), your argument falls to pieces. But you weren't to know.
P.S. Shiva is a knob-goblin.
By the way, where is the picture of those spiders having a party in your gullet?
you all stink. Especially you jack.
Jennixx
ganesh doesn't do sunday lunch. ever since the moon laughed at him fall off the mooshak he's been a bit too concious of eating in public. plus his overliking of modaks would be more appropriate to sundaes rather than sunday lunch.
as for shiva being a 'knob-goblin', it is quite possible as he was off in battle for tremendously long amounts of time, surrounded by many men, but then again that accusation would make almost all the british army so-called 'knob-goblins'. unfortunately both shiva and ganesh are parts of a whole brahman, an utterly asexual being, and their masculine form is merely to portray certain characteristics. ideas do not have a sexuality, therefore once again your argument is flawed.
and finally, maiyanne, life sucks. it's proven. happiness is a state of mind. we only feel true unconditional happiness for brief moments of our lives. drag yourself out of the dumps, believe you're happy, open your eyes to everything truly great around you rather than all the shit and let optimism take over you. sometimes it really is better to delude oneself.
I'm going to cut your throat and drain all the bloody from your body then guzzle it down like Pooh Bear guzzles down honey.
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