Stupid Brain!

I feel worse than I have felt all day, all week, all month, all… you get the idea. I’ve been doing C4 revision by doing some test papers, and I get every single answer wrong. So when I try and read where I’m going wrong to make sure it doesn’t happen again, I can’t understand it. I don’t get why you do stuff. The only reason im good at maths is because I can reason with the logic behind it all, but this year (C4 specifically) there is loads of stuff we just have to know. Sure, there are reasons behind what we do, but some of them are so complex we don’t get taught them/I don’t understand them.
I’m seriously scared im going to fail C4 and therefore bring down the whole of my maths a level. And that thought gives me a tight feeling in my stomach, a headache, a twitching eye and a feeling of nausea. I hate this.
I can’t even relax and then come back and try later because my mind wont relax. It just keeps sounding the “FUCKFUCKFUCK” alarm, non-stop. And now my browser isn’t loading my blog page, so im typing all this in Microsoft works (because I don’t even have word) so I can copy and paste it later.
My new external hard drive came, but im too stressed to do anything with it.
My OiNK ratio has gone up to 0.495, but I feel too shit to care.
I could go for some death right about now.
Worst part is, most of the time I try to be stoic; “I don’t care if I fail my exams, life is pretty futile anyway so we shouldn’t waste what precious little time we have worrying over such trivial matters”
Then why do I feel like im about to explode… or implode… or some kind of -plode?
I'm sure no-one else is having this much trouble with C4. Hell, Tom Parsons is doing two maths A-levels and he's doing OK. I just feel like an idiot.

ARGGGGHHH